I don't get it.
I've always thought of myself as unique... yeah, shut up. 'Off' may be a better word for my wicked black sense of humor and my innate ability to verbally vomit everything in my head. I usually receive one of following reactions. Gales of laughter, an epiphany or a finger slowly moving towards the 'panic' button.
No matter the outcome I can honestly say I'm honest. Honest! I believe that for the most part everyone I know in turn knows where they stand with me.
(Chasing Rabbits) I used to have a blog used mainly for my own catharsis. I miss my blog. Mental/emotional constipation is a bitch and tends to make me a little crazy. Facebook allows me to release some of the pressure clawing in my head in a blurb or two but not actually cleanse out the full fledged 'Crazy'. I have a journal but that's boring without an audience. Now, I discover Blogger.... Glory. </bunny trail>
So the question I've had on my mind lately is: What in the holy fuck is going on out there?!
I've been left with my mouth hanging open in disbelief much more times lately than I'm comfortable admitting. Speechless isn't a term many of my friends... ok, my like 3 friends would use to describe me but speechless is what I've been at the jackassery that I'm witness to.
It would be one thing if it was one 'tard raining their 'Suck' all over my parade, but it's everywhere! For the love of Christmas puppies, stop it. Here is a list of experiences I would gladly pay to see burned in a bag with some poo. I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually the stupid one.
1. Don't try and copy my wit/sarcasm. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens and it's just me. You sound retarded.
2. Blatantly listening in on a conversation, laughing at the jokes and putting in your two cents from another room does not make us BFFs. You're eavesdropping. Stop it.
3. If you still hate her, you still care. Stop kissing me. I'm too good to be your regret.
4. If it didn't work the first time, the chances of it working the 3rd time are less than the slut NOT dying in the slasher flick. This time is not different. They're just on their best behavior.
5. No one talks shit about my family but ME!
6. Don't tell me things you cant take back. Once I consider you a liar, you'll always be a liar to me.
7. I don't speak Mexican. I speak Spanish. Saying it on purpose because you think it's funny makes you gay.
8. No one will ever change for you. Not really. People change for them and that in itself is a miracle.
9. I'm at work. Don't ask me out in front of your employees you disgusting pig after you tell me you have a girlfriend. That will earn you a Spartan kick to the groin.
10. Stop looking at my boobs. They're big. I know. (They're nice though right?)
11. I didn't marry your dumbass spouse. Stop telling me how stupid they are and then expect me to like them anyway. Now I hate you a little bit.
12. Lying to me about a brain tumor because you want my attention... I really don't know what to do with that.
13. If my feet are in the pool, please don't shit in it. Breaking up the turd behind your back and then smearing a piece with your toe while you're talking to me isn't attractive. No, I don't want to kiss you now.
Holy hell, I really do feel better!
Like I said, it makes sense to me. Trying to find sense in such a cluster of madness is a frustrating and leaves me feeling isolated. A little lost. It comes out funny but after a while of dealing with the same issues from different people... 51-50 me already.
So to sum it all up, quit being stupid, I'm funny and possibly need to keep a box of helmets in my car for all the 'tards out there.
